When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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