He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Holy sore nipples Batman
They are going to name an STD after you.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
This toilet bowl is my home.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
