oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
