I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
