This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I feel like a drive thru vagina
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
