bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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