first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
