he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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