I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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