Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
