i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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