Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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