So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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