where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
