omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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