Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
