I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
