Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
