Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize