so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
