I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
