shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
