just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My vagina just recognized that song.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
