ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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