I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
