I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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