so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
