why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
