So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
