Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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