Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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