just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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