Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
