I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
