Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
