the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
