The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
