Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
