I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Come share oat with me in your robe
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize