can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
