Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
