the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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