On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
