I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
