we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
