wrigley field is MILF paradise
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
