he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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