Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
