we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
