First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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