Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
