So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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