I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
