i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He did a backflip because drugs
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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