I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
