I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
