I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
