i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
