they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
