Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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