so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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