so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
