Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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