yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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