Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
