hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize