$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
