Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
the raccoons are back...
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