I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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