Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
