Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
