I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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