using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
