Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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